Australia Day Blues

I am not feeling very Zen today (whatever Zen is exactly). I was fine until just after morning tea, when we had agreed to go out, but husband took forever to get his arse in gear (or so it seemed to me) and then just when I thought we were finally about to leave the house he started faffing at the computer saying he needed to check which account to do shopping from. Why? Why must this always wait until we are at the front door?? And all downhill from there…

Oh, I am feeling all twisty inside!! Filled with simmering resentment and anger! A combination of PMS (curse these raging hormones), disappointment that period clearly imminent as we are in third TTC (Trying To Conceive) cycle,  and the fact that it has been raining for days on end have combined to turn me into the least mindful mum imaginable.

There was one brief break in the weather and I insisted we all get down to the ocean for a quick walk before I lost my mind completely, and that did help a bit. However, it occurs to me that perhaps I should have gone and done that by myself and cleared my head, as might have been wiser for all concerned, especially given the mad dash back to make sure we didn’t veer too far from the Miss M’s new routine, and my inability to respond nicely to any comment, however well-intentioned…

So, one step forward, two steps back on this journey of mine. Husband is cooking dinner tonight, which I possibly don’t deserve, given I did kind of demand it in ranting, shrill tones of which I am now ashamed…perhaps I can still make good though. I’m shut in my sewing room trying to regroup self. Helps to write it out.

And, breathe…

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