There hasn’t been much blogging going on around here recently, due to first tri knackeredness and nausea. I just haven’t had the energy to do anything beyond the necessary, and play with Miss M. Didn’t even manage my 52 Weeks of Grateful post last week, and despite feeling utterly crappy, I do indeed have everything to be grateful for at the moment! I’ve written the best Buddha quote on my whiteboard to keep me straight when I start feeling a little bit overwhelmed and sorry for myself: You have no cause for anything but gratitude and joy. Damn right!! Coming up to week 8 so hopefully just a few more weeks of this to go and my energy levels will increase again and the vile nausea will dissipate. Fingers crossed!
Such has been my exhaustion that I was almost ready to throw in my blogger towel, until I remembered that the real point of this exercise is not the blog itself (much as I like to write) but the process toward my goal of learning to live mindfully, and thus without resentment. That resentment has started to creep back in just a little bit in the past several days and I think it’s partly a pregnancy thing (if men had to bear children humankind would cease to exist yadda yadda, oh my poor husband…) but also because I’ve taken my eye off the ball with regard to my journey and I’ve lost sight of my goals a little. I need this blog to keep me on track. So, I might be posting a little less, but I’m going to keep posting, and stay focussed.
It occured to me last night that perhaps the best way for me to approach this new pregnancy journey is mindfully. A quick google shows me that this method is tried and tested, so, I will be researching! I am also looking forward to the arrival of Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World, ordered from the UK about a week ago, so shouldn’t be long now. To my mind, a truly mindful mum will be a truly happy, fun and healthy mum, and that’s what I want to be for my babies more than anything else in the world.
This week the 52 Weeks of Grateful theme is technology. This is not a hard one for me! My home country is on the other side of the world, and I am ever grateful that the internet enables me to keep in touch and share with friends and family so easily. As a stay at home mum, I’m grateful for social networking because it prevents me from feeling isolated on days like today when I’m just too tired to go out and interact. However, I do believe there needs to be a balance between online communication and healthy IRL relationships and activities, and I try to be vigilant and mindful at all times in ensuring that my amount of screen time of all types is healthy. Which is why this is going to be a short post, as I need some real chill time that’s not screen time this afternoon while Miss M sleeps!
I have one final reason to be grateful for technology this week though – on Tuesday it will, all being well, allow me to see and maybe even hear my new baby’s heartbeat! It’s VERY early days but I’m happy to report that I was too hasty in my earlier post, and the next day I got a positive test result. I’m one happy, hopeful, mindful mum right now!
I read an interesting article today that really resonated with me. Apparently, “according to the Prime Minister of Denmark, I am actually wasting my education and career by choosing to be a stay-at-home mum”. I am a feminist and it makes me crazy that anyone should judge me or think I’m wasting my brain by being a long term stay at home mum. Feminism is about equality and CHOICE. This is what I CHOOSE. I can understand people with no children thinking it’s a waste, I have to confess I thought the same before I became a mother, and to my shame I did judge the SAHMs. I just didn’t get it. But I don’t understand why mothers must judge each other in the way they so often do.
Last week someone asked me what I do. I said, I’m a mum. And they replied, yeah, but what do you do?? *sigh* It’s a matter of opinion as to whether being a SAHM is the most important job in the world – many clearly think it ranks pretty low – but it is MY most important job in the world. I’m not wasting my education, or my career (which I didn’t enjoy anyway). My education and career path are what got me to where I am today! I love my new job. I’m an intelligent, very well-educated SAHM who has most certainly not lost all her brain cells. Despite any appearance to the contrary on occasion 😉