By 6.45 this morning I was desperate to run away. I’d had a bad nights sleep due to the weird pregnancy pains in my legs. My toddler was in a blinding rage because nobody understood the sequence her stuffed animals and pillows were supposed to be in. I tried to help, but got it wrong, which made things worse, I was pushed away, then my HEEEEEEEEELP!!! demanded, then pushed away again. “I just want to run away!!”, I declared to my husband in despair, dreading a whole day of horror ahead. “Well, you can’t, because you’re a mummy”, he said as he left to go to work. Helpful. NOT!! Two options, switch on the telly for some peace and get ready to endure the guilt on top of the despair. Or bundle us both into the car and go for a walk by the ocean. 2 hours later we are back home and my world is a much nicer place in which to exist (well apart from the tantrum about the crayons but I don’t expect miracles!).
Midwife at noon, wish there was some chocolate in the house that I could scoff before I get the diet sheet I’m going to ask for in place of repeating the glucose intolerance test 😉
I don’t know if I’m intolerant to glucose but I do know I’m intolerant to the glucose intolerance test! At about 26-28 weeks, pregnant women in NSW (I don’t know about other states) are given the wonderful opportunity to see if they have gestational diabetes. With sincerity I say thank you Medical Science. However, a small minority of women react like I did this morning – 40 minutes in to the 2 hour test, I almost fainted, and then vomited the nasty green glucose drink on the floor and in my hair oh and a little bit in the sick bag. Given that during my last pregnancy I actually passed out cold during the same test, I am not going back for more. I will be seeing the midwife on Wednesday to discuss a plan of action. It is so very unlikely that I have gestational diabetes and even if that were the case, all that could be done is start a special diet. So my idea is to get the diet sheets to be on the safe side and not do any more fasting, blood-giving, fainting or vomiting for the foreseeable. Seems a reasonable decision to me!
One could become rather resentful of one’s husband when things like this happen during pregnancy, if one were to allow such negative emotion to take hold…I am off into the sunny garden with a nice cup of fruit tea and Buddhism for Mothers while the house is empty, do some work on myself. And perhaps also remind myself that the reason I have a peaceful, empty home is because my husband is out with my daughter giving me a break 🙂
27 weeks…onward and upward!!
I’ve ploughed ahead with the first chapters of Sarah Napthali’s Buddhism for Mothers in the last couple of days and already I notice a difference in my daily life! Best of all has been the reminder to really look at my daughter, and be in the moment with her, see things the way she sees them. Sometimes when I hear her wake from her afternoon nap I’m guilty of thinking,”oh god no, not already…”. If I lay her down with that attitude, of course we’re not going to have a positive start to the rest of the day when she wakes. I know such feelings are normal at times and I shouldn’t beat myself up about them, but at the same time, allowing them to take control of my thinking just isn’t constructive. And after all, she is wonderful, and all of life is just wonderful to her – I don’t want to miss that in her, and when I take a step back and really look at her, my mood can’t help but lift!
This morning we went for a long walk by the ocean. Everything takes more than twice as long with an almost two year old, but hey, what’s the rush! Watching her pick up leaves and stones and listening to her chattering away and giggling is such a joy. The world viewed through her eyes is very simple and if I’m mindful to take a leaf out of her book and just stay in the moment with her, all of life just seems simpler to me too.
Just been using my @themindfulmum Twitter profile to gain entries in a few comps, and it occured to me that rather than let my little quiet blog lie dormant in the sphere of little quiet blogs for all eternity, I could write a post and see if that leads to another post…and if it doesn’t, well, no matter!! Here’s a little of what has been going on:
- I’m now 25 weeks pregnant and the size of an ocean liner, which was something of a shock to me, but apparently it is not unusual for bumps to be much bigger the second time around – I figure it”s just the old lady muscles giving up at the first sign of trouble! God knows what I’ll be left with at the end of all this but I am having vague thoughts about goals to reach before I’m 40 (gah!!!) which will be 18 months after my daughter is born (gah!!!) and I did just win a week of gym membership in a prize draw, which they’ll let me use once I’m good to go again after c-section. So, will deal with my body then and meantime I’m trying very hard to me MINDFUL about what I eat, with reasonable results.
- We left Steiner playgroup in a little puff of smoke – in a nutshell I love the philosophy and the system but I didn’t love the judgemental “natural” parents that I was forced to deal with on a weekly basis. Not so bad when just me and Miss M – not so good when pregnant and a fan of such things as ultrasounds and elective C’s. Oh and I shop in Coles. Nuff said. Am in no way judging Steiner Schools in general, I don’t know any others personally, but there is only one in the little place where we live and it’s not the one for our little family. Very sad and was with a heavy heart than we made our decision. However, heart lighter each week now it’s over, and the silver lining is that I have made a lovely new friend and so has my daughter. Today we went to the beach together and I feel blessed to have gained a great positive new relationship out of the whole experience.
- Many moons ago I received my copy of Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World , mentioned in my last post. It lies unopened on the shelf.
- I have not yet quite finished Buddhism For Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children, by Sarah Napthali. It (still) lies next to my bed and I plan to start back at the beginning of the first book this week.
- I have, however, read all of Fifty Shades of Grey and enjoyed it well enough. I am not ashamed to say it! To the haters – chill!! (and at least read it if you’re going to knock it!!)
- Not much sewing going on, but am knitting some instead. Easier to pick up and put down than cutting and machine sewing, and time is ever shorter as my toddler grows ever more boistrous and I grow ever larger. Tried some crochet too but it makes me too angry – can’t get past the first row. Which is not point of exercise (point was baby blanket. Ha!!).
- No more party planning – too much change in family circumstances. Don’t miss it. Do have shelves of lovely stuff that am enjoying using 😉
In summary, I am still grateful daily (if in very short bursts); and still mindful often, but certainly not enough. I’m lacking in focus, and have allowed life to get in the way. Time is short before another massive, massive life-changing event will be upon me. Let’s see if a few more posts can get me back on track!