You are never too old

I’m only 38 but sometimes on days like today I feel old. Woken at 5.15am, Miss M on fast forward, routine chores done by 7am, school holidays so no Wednesday playgroup, and looking at almost 12 hours before husband returns from work, oh dear god, how to fill without going completely bonkers? Early text from a friend (at least I know I’m not the only one in this boat!) tells me there’s a kids fun day on in a local park, do I have the strength? No, but I’d rather be knackered in company than steadily going madder at home. Make packed lunch, pack bag, find clothes for us both, have usual war regarding teeth brushing and sunscreen application. Try and persusade Miss M into car without having to lift her (separated abdominal muscles – not supposed to lift toddler. Ha!) Fail. Get into car ready to get into bed. Attend exhausting event, go to supermarket on way home for items forgotten in yesterday’s shop which need for today’s dinner. Is it easier to prise Miss M into trolley / buggy / let her walk? Opt for walk to save abs, mistake. Supermarket traumatic, milkshake used as bribe. She refuses to share and I only bought one, so I’m grumpy too. She shouts joyfully yet clearly on the cusp of hysteria (overdue nap) all the way home in the car about nothing in particular. Painful. Now she refuses to get out of the car OMG I shall die if I have to endure another second of this, I need to SIT DOWN. And…she sleeps. It is only just gone 12 noon, I’ve been awake for 7 hours, and I feel about a 100 years old. Not for the first time the thought passes through my mind….what happens after all this? What will become of me, in my mid-40s, not having worked for years, who will ever want to employ me? What will I do with myself? Then I remember seeing this quote on my Facebook newsfeed the other day, which I absolutely loved, and I sip my tea and think, hey! There’s still time! All will be well! This too shall pass.

(original source unknown, found here: pinterest.com/pin/245727723388793371/)

Blogtoberfest 2012, 3/31

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4 responses

  1. Oh sweetie, I know those days. They feel like 100 days in one.
    I know it is small consolation (and it sure doesn’t feel like it) but this time is passing and it will actually go quite quickly. I know we are not “supposed” to want to fast forward through bits of our childrens’ lives and we are meant to be mindful and present and savouring every millisecond… but, dammit, sometimes juggling a million needs to the detriment of our own just plain sucks.
    I reckon the path will become clearer once you have a little more breathing space. You are obviously a very strong writer and you have good IT skills. Not to mention organisational and negotiation skills!! That’s more than enough to find a role you enjoy.
    xxxx

    1. Thanks for encouraging response Kat! I know what you mean about wishing it away versus appreciating the moments. I’ve learned since starting this blog that being mindful really does help, and it has made a great difference to my life when I am able to put that into practice. Sometimes when things reach fever pitch tho, well hey I’m only human! You are right that things will become clear with time regarding future. 32 weeks pregnant with a toddler is not the right moment for worrying about all that. It just wanders thru my mind now and then, and I kick it back out, for now 🙂 Just one of those mornings is all. Offset by an afternoon of too much telly (hello guilt!) but I got a spicy chicken filo pie made with Mouk’s help, and I shall live to fight another day 😉 X

  2. That does sound like a fairly hellish morning! I was always told to nap when they do, which – sod the household chores – is good advice, which I often didn’t follow. At 43, with two small kids, I sometimes can’t get through the day without my siesta. I love the CS Lewis quote, thank you. You will have plenty more adventures and find fulfilling work!

    1. Hi Fiona, thanks for that! 🙂 I have been known to nap when Miss M naps, probably not often enough tho, and usually only when I’m dog tired, as I find it hard usually to sleep in the daytime. Also it’s really the only alone time I have during the week given that I go to bed so early these days because Miss M is up so early, so I am reluctant to squander it, if that makes sense! When the baby arrives I will have to have a siesta though whenever possible i.e. Miss M permitting, and will make sure I do, otherwise I shall lose my mind – I still remember the days of surviving on less than 5 hours (broken) sleep – oh the horror! Atm I’m making the most of the sleep I am getting and only wish I could store it up for use late next month 😉

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