I lost sight of things a little bit last night. Well ok, a lot. It was a long 12 hours with Miss M yesterday, and by the time my husband got home I was feeling pretty resentful. It’s been a while since this emotion had a good hold on me. Knowing as I do how destructive it is, I’ve worked hard these past 9 months on cultivating a mindful attitude of gratitude and ridding my life of pointless resentments. After all, that was the whole point of this starting this blog! But, a very wilful and energetic toddler, anaemia and 7 months of pregnancy have left me a little bit, shall we say, frayed at the edges, and it all came to a head at bedtime. Started with a passionate speech about the utter unfairness of men not being able to physically bear children. Yeah, I know. In hindsight I do feel a little bad for my husband in the face of that little vent! Ended in much snot and tears, related to fear that I will be unable to cope with a newborn and a crazy toddler with a husband that works long hours, and expressed in loud anger and resentment toward him for not having instant miracle answers and always saying the wrong thing. He is so not a bad husband, he’s a bloody brilliant husband. Evidenced by the fact that after a rather heated exchange (well, he’s only human…) and despite all that vitriol, the whole thing ended in cuddles at about 3am when I snuck back into bed from my (rather uncomfortable) point of principle in the spare room.
Awoke this morning feeling drained and puffy, and whilst having a cup of tea in bed alone (thank you lovely husband!) I came across a wonderful article via Twitter by Leo Babauta called The Only Way to Respond to Life, extract here:
“We often not only take life for granted, but complain about it…but goodness, look around you! What a wonder life is! If only we would take the time to see it, to really appreciate it, and to applaud. This moment is a ridiculously generous miracle. Give it up, folks, for life.”
And that was the boot up the ass I needed to get me out of bed and into the day. I got things back in perspective. Sometimes I think there’s too much social media in my life, and I need to cut back. Other times, as happens so often, I find a little gem – a quote or a short article – in my Twitter or Facebook feeds, and I remember what a wonderful tool social media can be. It’s all about moderation, of course. Less trawling through the crap and discussing nonsense, more constructive learning and sharing is the way forward.
Meantime, note to self, or rather, promise – every single day I will remember to stop, and be grateful. It really is the only constructive way to respond to life – especially when the going is rough.